The Day After

Gail's funeral was last night. It was a beautiful service. The pastor read several Psalms and other Scriptures, ending the readings with Proverbs 31 - The Excellent Wife. I'm sure that was for Bob.

She was cremated. I was glad. I did not want to see her in a coffin. I have a hard time remembering people as they were in life after I've seen them in death. I am so thankful that I will be able to remember her as she was when I knew her.

The girls and Todd came to the funeral with me. She was dear to all of us. It's the first funeral the girls attended, and it was hard for them. They both wanted to come, though, and both say they are glad they went. I think it was important for them to share in the end of her life. They loved her.

There were a lot of people at the service, but I wouldn't call it packed. The thing is, though, that Gail treasured every person who was there. We all knew how much she loved us. I would like to be the kind of friend she was - someone who spends her life loving other people and doing it well.

Today, I'm still trying to accept that she's really gone. When I last saw her, she was doing pretty well. It's hard to believe she went downhill so quickly. Once the doctors told her there was nothing more they could do, she was gone within two weeks. I can't express how much I regret not trying harder to at least talk to her. Isaac was sick and I was sick and there are lots of reasons, but now... she's gone. I suppose I was in denial too - I thought there would be more time.

I can't believe I will never hear her voice or see her smile again. She won't be at stitching anymore. I have to help her husband go through all of her cross stitch stuff. I'm sure it sounds silly, but it breaks my heart just to think about it.

If you're inclined to pray, please keep Gail's husband, Bob, in your prayers. He loved Gail with complete devotion, and feels like he has no purpose now that she is gone. Please pray that he will feel the love and the peace of God and that he will find a reason to keep going on. I'm very worried about him.

I'm sure I could ramble on for a while about Gail and how much I miss her, but I won't. I will go back to figuring out the next thing to do and keep on living. I will try to remember to live each precious moment the best way I can.

I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman on my iPod the other day, and I heard this song, from his "Speechless" album. I will end with these lyrics. They've stayed with me and I find them more significant today than ever.

Five Minutes

I can reminisce about the already
I can worry and fret about the not yet
But when it all comes down, and
It really, really comes down to the right now,
So right now

I'm living the next five minutes
Like these are my last five minutes
Cause I know the next five minutes
May be all I have
And after the next five minutes
Turn into the last five minutes
I'm taking the next five minutes
And start it all over again

Every morning God is given is precious
Every heartbeat, every breath I take
I'll never have them back once they've left us
There will never be another right now,
So right now

This is the day
This is the hour
This is the moment God has made

I'm living the next five minutes
Like these are my last five minutes
Cause I know the next five minutes
May be all I have
And after the next five minutes
Turn into the last five minutes
I'm taking the next five minutes
And start it all over again
I'm starting all over again
Gonna start it all over again